Oh the Things You'll See

I am now in love with cream puffs. I kind of want to spell it "creme" when I text people or post it on Facebook but that seems like it might be a little uppity.

Like I should say "Creme, dahhhhling, I baked these wooonderful creme puffs."

Anyway, it went like this

and then like this...

and finally they emerged from the oven. True to their puffy name.

yum.

And then I dragged my husband out into the fresh air with dog leashes in hand! After a little bit of a struggle to harness our big babies into their collars and leashes, we were off! Through the gates! Down the driveway! To the street!

We don't have sidewalks where I live. Imagine that.
But we do have...
Cows

Which makes for interesting walking experiences. Cows are very interested in human people with their dogs tied to them. They probably wonder about our sanity sometimes. Because I'm sure cows are that smart right?

We also find porn in wal-mart bags on the side of the road. It's probably a classic! I'm sure someone happened upon this little plastic bag of treasure and snatched it up quick like. I can only imagine what the circumstances were that led up to the poor owner of this dvd tossing it out his truck window.

Angry wife? Pissed off girlfriend? Shocked mother? Or did he think that's how you recycled your porn?
Probably the last one.

And then I took a nap and watched Vicki Cristina Barcelona. (Moral of that story: Don't go to Barcelona unless you are single or can resist the charming accents of handsome and troubled painters.)

Hiiiiiii-YAH!

After you karate chop a telephone pole in half with your car because the icy road thought that it would be fun to spin you around and then fling you off of it's slick, glassy surface you kind of need some ice cream.

So today I will send my dear hubby some texts filled with the things that I would love to have to eat. The first one will say...

--Dearest love of mine that should still be feeling some thankfulness in your heart that your truest sweetest love did not have to go to the hospital last night or break her lovely hands that cook you such good dinners and do all the dirty dishes and scrub the dirty toilet -- will you please bring me some chocolate ice cream?--

--Also, would it be possible for you to bring home a bag of those yummy pizza rolls that I do love so much just in case I accidentally become overwhelmed with emotion at my luck and good fortune and eat the rest of the pizza rolls I already have in the freezer to keep myself from crying?--

--Is this too much to ask after I destroyed your car and made you pay to buy a new telephone pole for the phone company?--

--Just a little? We are really broke now and I don't have a car? Well then...I guess ice cream could wait.--

You may think at this point I might drop it or reply with something like -Ok honey. I understand-
Because that always gets them. But I'm smarter than that. I just rethink my strategy.

--Could possibly we go visit my mommy and my daddy tonight so that I can let them know that I really am alright by eating a good hearty meal over at their house (from their cabinets, because we are really broke now) and then possibly we may stay for dessert too? Just to ease any lingering doubts about my well-being or appetite?--
Because maybe Mom and Dad have ice cream at their house.....

For now, I will watch Gone With the Wind even though it is really a two-person watching kinda movie. Because:
1) I have to recite both Rhett and Scarlett's lines
2) You always feel worse about eating a lot when you are by yourself
3) There is no one here to ask me how I feel or can they get me anything
4) It is not as much fun. Duh.

so I am off now to do important, self-indulgent, pitiful things. Hurray!
Maybe also I can get a picture of my handy work.

I Bought Turkey Bacon

There comes a day when you realize you are kind of a grown up.
My day like this came when I visited the Big City. It's not really a big city...but to me! Me, who lives in the middle of a field in the  middle of nowhere, to me it is BIG. I went to Lexington, KY.

yea, there's a castle in Kentucky

There is also a Kroger in Kentucky (who knew right?). My cousin Ross & I went to Kroger so we could cook dinner. Mexican enchilada casserole...ooh it was goood. Little did I know that this Kroger is the biggest, coolest Kroger ever to exist.

As I walked though the store, past the Starbucks and the Diamond Store and the Cookware I was obvious in my astonishment. I mean, OBVIOUS. It was probably embarrassing. Not even probably. I was embarrassing. A silly girl from the country where Kroger only has single aisles and strictly cheddar, american, and mozzarella cheese (in the plastic zippy packages) and NO Starbucks.

This Kroger is bigger than Wal-Mart. How can you have that many aisles of frozen food? How can you choose between all these cheeses?

Poor Ross. In his mind our trip was supposed to go like this -- get rotel. get chips. check out. go home. --

Mine went like this. -- walk through doors. drop jaw in amazement. is that a jewelry store? we can get Starbucks in here?! here's the chip aisle. but...there's another aisle behind it? what's back there I wonder (drag cousin along. Let's hustle, lots to see!!) canned goods, grab rotel, round the corner & WHAAAAT? you can get a salad? soup? dinner?! Look at all the fresh fruit...vegetables...and CHEESE! wow at the cheese...make complete circle and somehow end up at the checkout...but, wait! there's more to see! I don't want to leeeeeeeave! (Ross drags me out.) --

I leave with a sparkle in my eye and a new favorite vacation spot. I also discovered where the cooks who write all of these recipes with all of the fancy ingredients shop at. You know what I'm talking about. 
I read a recipe like.....

1 lb bucatini or perciatelli pasta

2 cups Italian canned plum tomatoes

2 ounces thinly sliced Prosciutto di parma, chopped

I mean...what? It's basically pasta, mushrooms, and some cheese but dang! Doesn't that sound fancy?
But where, I wondered, do I get this crap?
Well, we know now don't we. Kroger. Fancy Kroger.

And then, the next day when Ross asked where I wanted to go for lunch and I instantly replied KROGER! They have a salad bar!! .....
........
and then I had a *what did I just say?* moment. And Ross looked at me sideways and my Aunt laughed.

So we went and had Italian.

And after that little trip I arrived home and realized. My favorite place to go in Kentucky is Kroger?
It's official.
I'm kind of a grown up.

Day 2 of Captivity

Well, we aren't really captive.
But it is fun to pretend.
We woke up this morning (late) and said hurray! No work today! Because outside it looks like this...

our 2 lane road is now a 1 lane road!

and of course when it is snowy in Alabama we all kind of stand around and go,

"Huh? What is this stuff that is slippery and cold? I must buy all of the bread and all of the milk from the grocery stores!"

But really. Unfortunately for Brian and I we were hungry for biscuits and gravy. Yum.
I run to the fridge and open it up. What do I see?
Sausage.
and I know we have Bisquick.
what is missing? oh yes, the milk.
So, this is why people buy all the milk. Snow makes you want biscuits and gravy!!! I get it now!

We look at each other and we know. We must get milk.

In true Alabama fashion we leave our sweatpants on and bundle up the rest of ourselves in something camouflage and grab the truck keys off the hook. We venture out onto the snow filled roads on our Great Quest for Milk. (We could have had oatmeal, but that's not nearly as exciting)

We encountered many treacherous obstacles. Huge icy snow balls from the plows blocked our way. But we had no fear! The Adventure-mobile ran over these enemies with great big tires and smashed them without a second thought. (also, the Adventure-mobile needs a better name)

Mini-Snickers fueled our Great Quest for Milk. They are delicious in the morning. Like a pre-breakfast snack.

I had 4. I only gave hubby 1. mwahah

After traveling many miles through valleys and wrong turns and icy curves we arrive at our destination.
Warehouse Discount Grocery.
We drag our Quest weary selves through the aisles to our goal. MILK.
And there is is. Chilling in it's case. We triumphantly grab a jug and high five. ( well, we thought about it anyway)

And, strangely, even though we were great adventurers and will probably eventually become famous for our bravery, we still had to wait in line and pay, like commoners.

This story is getting a little ridiculous I think. 

The doors opened at our command and into the chilling wind we strode, smiling at the thought of warm biscuits and gallons of gravy.

that's the "i got milk" smile

We were greeted like King and Queen upon our arrival back at Castle McCormick by our humble servants (2 dogs and a cat). They had the day off apparently and so we whipped up some biscuits and gravy quick like.


The Great Captivity Feast occurred soon afterward and we cleaned our plates and licked our lips, triumphant Questers!!

THE END

Also, this is cute...

from day one of captivity. Nap time.

I mean, what else are you supposed to do when it snows?