Sunday, April 3, 2011

Train of Thought

So I've been cooking.
Caramel Popcorn Sauce

Marshmallow Crunchy Things

Mmmm...melty marshmallows and butter


Lunch today
As I run around the kitchen and stir and knead and roll and bend and pull and burn and slice....I think about how ok it is for me to be eating all of this great stuff because GEEZ am I getting a work out making it!

It was when i was baking that I decided to go back to school. Accounting anyone?

But it's when I'm gardening that I really get to think. Is there anything better than having dirt stuck under your fingernails and you know it won't come out and there's mud in your wedding ring and your dogs are constantly coming over to sniff your ears with their wet noses just to make sure that you are doing just fine. "I'm just fine!" I tell them. Sometimes they are the only ones who check. And doesn't that just make you love them all the more? If we all had dogs and cats for friends I think we'd be a lot better off. They are soft and fuzzy and when I'm feeling especially moody, but not for any good reason, they always make me feel like no reason...well, it's a very good reason.

And this is what I think about as I dig holes for my mums and save the earthworms from sharp troweling deaths. Isn't it funny where your mind goes?

And wouldn't you know I got a dang sunburn.
And I still haven't posted anything.
Maybe I need to go "think" some more.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Flounder -- Not the Fish

Annual pay for Bachelors graduates without higher degrees. Typical starting graduates have 2 years of experience; mid-career have 15 years. See full methodology for more.

What's a girl to do that's not good at math?
No really. What am I going to do?

I want a Bachelor's degree. But in these times you pretty much have to be the best or the luckiest in order to get a good job with good pay. Apparently you also have to be a mathemetician. Which I am not. I am creative and artsy. Not good with numbers.

And I'm also indecisive. I went to a community college (a 2 year school) for 4 years! Finally to emerge with an Associates in Paralegal Studies. My sister graduated high school, declared "I'm going to be a Chemical Engineer!" and went with it. One of the highest paid degrees I might add. How do people do that? Am I the only one who thinks that they could probably do a lot of things good but I'm probably not going to be great at anything? I could probably go and get 10 degrees and still not know exactly which one I'd want to pursue.

I'd be a good chef.
I'd be a good Internet manager.
I'd be a good landscaper.
I'd be a good secretary.
I'd be a good masseuse.

But what will I be great at? Or am I just going to flounder around in life, thinking of a lot of things I'd like to do, but never finding the thing I'm going to love & really be great at.

Yup. I'm a flounderer. Is there a cure?

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Oh the Things You'll See

I am now in love with cream puffs. I kind of want to spell it "creme" when I text people or post it on Facebook but that seems like it might be a little uppity.
Like I should say "Creme, dahhhhling, I baked these wooonderful creme puffs."
Anyway, it went like this
and then like this...
and finally they emerged from the oven. True to their puffy name.

And then I dragged my husband out into the fresh air with dog leashes in hand! After a little bit of a struggle to harness our big babies into their collars and leashes, we were off! Through the gates! Down the driveway! To the street!

We don't have sidewalks where I live. Imagine that.
But we do have...
Which makes for interesting walking experiences. Cows are very interested in human people with their dogs tied to them. They probably wonder about our sanity sometimes. Because I'm sure cows are that smart right?

We also find porn in wal-mart bags on the side of the road. It's probably a classic! I'm sure someone happened upon this little plastic bag of treasure and snatched it up quick like. I can only imagine what the circumstances were that led up to the poor owner of this dvd tossing it out his truck window.
Angry wife? Pissed off girlfriend? Shocked mother? Or did he think that's how you recycled your porn?
Probably the last one.

And then I took a nap and watched Vicki Cristina Barcelona. (Moral of that story: Don't go to Barcelona unless you are single or can resist the charming accents of handsome and troubled painters.)

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Hold My Hand?

see the little bald head?

I think that there is no cuter thing in this world than a little old couple.
There are lots of wonderful things about them but, the little old man is especially cute. He is short, hunched over just a little, he's got a shiny bald spot on the top of his head, and he wears a sweater vest. His wife is white headed and wears bright red lipstick from a silver tube. But the best thing about this couple is that their eyes are still shiny. You know what I mean. They still twinkle and sparkle when they talk to each other. And I'd like to pretend that they still hold hands. Don't we all want to be the couple that holds hands? They hold hands through it all, and you can see it in their eyes when they look at each other and he reaches for her hand, the memories that they've made and how they've always had a hand to count on, to hold onto. Through births and deaths and tests of love and endurance. Through job changes and moving and being broke.They may walk slower and talk slower than they used to, but they still hold each others hand, fingers entwined, firmly. And isn't holding hands just the epitome of love? Of true love? It's not asking for anything or demanding's unassuming and reassuring. It just lets the other person know that you are there and that you're staying.

And, as a bonus, it's not all slobbery like kissing.
So tell me, is there anything better than holding hands?

Monday, February 14, 2011

The Never Ending Battle

With a husband there will be battles. Some of them, you've just gotta let go.

For instance, you don't bother him when he does laundry (because HE'S doing the laundry) and make sure he isn't using way too much detergent and sorting the socks and towels and washing the jeans separately.
You don't. bother. him. 
i repeat -- HE DOES THE LAUNDRY.

You also don't bother him if he's cleaning something. Anything really. I've found it's better to go clean it again later. This is a more rare occurrence so it's not one to worry about.

And do not ever ever ever ever bother him when he is rubbing your feet or back or bringing you wine. Lay perfectly still. I try to make him forget that he is even doing it. I don't say "oh, rub my right shoulder." or "can you massage that a little harder?" NO. You don't speak, barely even breathe. This is one of those things that is too good to mess up by talking to him. And when he is bringing you wine, you be sweet. Or he will bring you the wrong wine. And that is never good I promise.

yes, it says kitchen but heck! who cares! 

But some, you've gotta win.
When I first placed the soap in the bathroom, I placed it on the right side of the sink. (Right has two meanings and I believe in this case, I've got both of them covered.)
Then somehow it ended up on the left side of the sink.
So I put it back on the right.
And then again, it's back on the left!
How is this happening I wonder. Is it Meeko? He is pretty devious and sneaky and we did put him on a diet and is he that pissed off at me....? No.
It must be that other devious and sneaky house buddy of mine, the husband.
Why would he do this to me? I like my soap on the right. It is only right for it to be on the right I think.

This battle is still ongoing. We will see how it ends up.

In other news, in regards to my last post, my dearest hubby brought me home a big bag of pizza rolls, a tub of chocolate ice cream, and a large bottle of wine. I almost cried. What a lucky girl I am to have such a sweet manly man. What a good combination!!!

Also, why the heck don't they just send Lindsay Lohan to jail for good already?!

Friday, February 4, 2011


After you karate chop a telephone pole in half with your car because the icy road thought that it would be fun to spin you around and then fling you off of it's slick, glassy surface you kind of need some ice cream.

So today I will send my dear hubby some texts filled with the things that I would love to have to eat. The first one will say...

--Dearest love of mine that should still be feeling some thankfulness in your heart that your truest sweetest love did not have to go to the hospital last night or break her lovely hands that cook you such good dinners and do all the dirty dishes and scrub the dirty toilet -- will you please bring me some chocolate ice cream?--

--Also, would it be possible for you to bring home a bag of those yummy pizza rolls that I do love so much just in case I accidentally become overwhelmed with emotion at my luck and good fortune and eat the rest of the pizza rolls I already have in the freezer to keep myself from crying?--

--Is this too much to ask after I destroyed your car and made you pay to buy a new telephone pole for the phone company?--

--Just a little? We are really broke now and I don't have a car? Well then...I guess ice cream could wait.--

You may think at this point I might drop it or reply with something like -Ok honey. I understand-
Because that always gets them. But I'm smarter than that. I just rethink my strategy.

--Could possibly we go visit my mommy and my daddy tonight so that I can let them know that I really am alright by eating a good hearty meal over at their house (from their cabinets, because we are really broke now) and then possibly we may stay for dessert too? Just to ease any lingering doubts about my well-being or appetite?--
Because maybe Mom and Dad have ice cream at their house.....

For now, I will watch Gone With the Wind even though it is really a two-person watching kinda movie. Because:
1) I have to recite both Rhett and Scarlett's lines
2) You always feel worse about eating a lot when you are by yourself
3) There is no one here to ask me how I feel or can they get me anything
4) It is not as much fun. Duh.

so I am off now to do important, self-indulgent, pitiful things. Hurray!
Maybe also I can get a picture of my handy work.

Monday, January 31, 2011

Thank God for Holidays

I think what I really mean is, thank God for holidays for which I receive presents. I am now celebrating a little known holiday (actually, I probably made it up) called
Hunting Season Is Over Praise Jesus! Day
I'm not sure if everyone knows what this day means to me. It means that these --
Stairs of Many Splinters will receive carpet! Please, don't hold yourself back...jump up and down for goodness sake!

In the mornings I get up and put my robe on (and pants of course) and slowly make my way down the Stairs of Many Splinters to make my Oatmeal Loving Husband some Loving Oatmeal. But do you know what you always forget in the morning when your ponytail is barely hanging on and your eyes will only open half way and your cat wants to walk between your legs while you navigate the treacherous stairs?

Your phone. I always leave it on the bedside table. 
Then, it never fails, that phone will ring or buzz or vibrate or make a ding dong noise and I'm like .... hmm.
It is far away. Up the Stairs of Many Splinters.
And all this brings me to my point....
This is what I need for Valentine's Day.
Doesn't she look happy? Wouldn't I look that happy if I had one? Am I that lazy? umm...I don't want to answer that? It looks fun though....
What I'm getting is this -
on these -
and gosh, aren't we just excited? (Don't they look very intimidating from the bottom? before you've had your coffee? before 8 a.m.? without carpet? can't you feel the burn?!) I thought so.

Now, as soon as we get this carpet down after the celebration of Hunting Season is Over Praise Jesus! Day you can bet I will wear my socks on my stairs and I will slide down them on my bottom sides. And there will be a picture.

And some random photos of my Meeko to end this post. 
In case anyone was worried about my cat's love of water, well, here ya go.

Now, everyone go out and do something wonderful with your hunter husband to celebrate the new holiday of Hunting Season is Over Praise Jesus! Day and to celebrate my getting carpet on the Stairs of Many Splinters day!

p.s. Just got a text from the hubby (and yes, I had to go upstairs and get my phone!!) and said he was cooking dinner tonight! What a great holiday so far! I wonder if next year kids will get out of school for this?

Saturday, January 29, 2011

I Bought Turkey Bacon

There comes a day when you realize you are kind of a grown up.
My day like this came when I visited the Big City. It's not really a big city...but to me! Me, who lives in the middle of a field in the  middle of nowhere, to me it is BIG. I went to Lexington, KY.

yea, there's a castle in Kentucky
There is also a Kroger in Kentucky (who knew right?). My cousin Ross & I went to Kroger so we could cook dinner. Mexican enchilada casserole...ooh it was goood. Little did I know that this Kroger is the biggest, coolest Kroger ever to exist.

As I walked though the store, past the Starbucks and the Diamond Store and the Cookware I was obvious in my astonishment. I mean, OBVIOUS. It was probably embarrassing. Not even probably. I was embarrassing. A silly girl from the country where Kroger only has single aisles and strictly cheddar, american, and mozzarella cheese (in the plastic zippy packages) and NO Starbucks.
This Kroger is bigger than Wal-Mart. How can you have that many aisles of frozen food? How can you choose between all these cheeses?
Poor Ross. In his mind our trip was supposed to go like this -- get rotel. get chips. check out. go home. --

Mine went like this. -- walk through doors. drop jaw in amazement. is that a jewelry store? we can get Starbucks in here?! here's the chip aisle. but...there's another aisle behind it? what's back there I wonder (drag cousin along. Let's hustle, lots to see!!) canned goods, grab rotel, round the corner & WHAAAAT? you can get a salad? soup? dinner?! Look at all the fresh fruit...vegetables...and CHEESE! wow at the cheese...make complete circle and somehow end up at the checkout...but, wait! there's more to see! I don't want to leeeeeeeave! (Ross drags me out.) --

I leave with a sparkle in my eye and a new favorite vacation spot. I also discovered where the cooks who write all of these recipes with all of the fancy ingredients shop at. You know what I'm talking about. 
I read a recipe like.....

1 lb bucatini or perciatelli pasta
2 cups Italian canned plum tomatoes
2 ounces thinly sliced Prosciutto di parma, chopped

I mean...what? It's basically pasta, mushrooms, and some cheese but dang! Doesn't that sound fancy?
But where, I wondered, do I get this crap?
Well, we know now don't we. Kroger. Fancy Kroger.

And then, the next day when Ross asked where I wanted to go for lunch and I instantly replied KROGER! They have a salad bar!! .....
and then I had a *what did I just say?* moment. And Ross looked at me sideways and my Aunt laughed.

So we went and had Italian.

And after that little trip I arrived home and realized. My favorite place to go in Kentucky is Kroger?
It's official.
I'm kind of a grown up.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011


Little sisters are just the best.
It was her big 21 Sunday. (Or as of midnight Saturday night which is when we were out at Mason's Pub)
In case anyone was wondering, I am usually in the bed by 9. 12 is late. Really late. Some might ask how I ever made it through the night.

Well, margaritas would be the answer my friends.

Happy Birthday Sarah Beara!

Also, silly straws, big plastic rings, and cheesy star shaped sunglasses.
that is NOT my hairy arm, in case you were wondering

I survived.
But barely.

Has anyone noticed it is always the nerdiest guys that buy all the girls drinks? They probably are making lotsa money and all these bar-frequenting-ladies are stealing it Sex on the Beach shot at a time...
A little piece of my heart goes out to these boys every time I see this interaction happen:

NERDY BOY: sweaty palms, wrinkly button-up shirt "Wow! Is it your birthday?!"
NERDY BOY: his eyes light up "Well, has anybody bought you a drink?"
BIRTHDAY GIRL: lying through her teeth but batting those eyelashes and smiling innocently "Not yet...I'm not really sure what kind to get."
NERDY BOY: grin "I'll get you one. And your friend!"
BIRTHDAY GIRL AND CUTE SISTER: give him their flirtiest smile and high five when he turns to the bartender with hope in his heart
goodbye $12 bucks
Maybe it works for them sometimes. Probably no. What a terrible relationship, abusive really.

As an old married lady who couldn't flirt if I wanted to, I think I will stick to wine and early bed time hours.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Day 2 of Captivity

Well, we aren't really captive.
But it is fun to pretend.
We woke up this morning (late) and said hurray! No work today! Because outside it looks like this...
our 2 lane road is now a 1 lane road!

and of course when it is snowy in Alabama we all kind of stand around and go,
"Huh? What is this stuff that is slippery and cold? I must buy all of the bread and all of the milk from the grocery stores!"
But really. Unfortunately for Brian and I we were hungry for biscuits and gravy. Yum.
I run to the fridge and open it up. What do I see?
and I know we have Bisquick.
what is missing? oh yes, the milk.
So, this is why people buy all the milk. Snow makes you want biscuits and gravy!!! I get it now!
We look at each other and we know. We must get milk.
In true Alabama fashion we leave our sweatpants on and bundle up the rest of ourselves in something camouflage and grab the truck keys off the hook. We venture out onto the snow filled roads on our Great Quest for Milk. (We could have had oatmeal, but that's not nearly as exciting)
We encountered many treacherous obstacles. Huge icy snow balls from the plows blocked our way. But we had no fear! The Adventure-mobile ran over these enemies with great big tires and smashed them without a second thought. (also, the Adventure-mobile needs a better name)

Mini-Snickers fueled our Great Quest for Milk. They are delicious in the morning. Like a pre-breakfast snack.
I had 4. I only gave hubby 1. mwahah
After traveling many miles through valleys and wrong turns and icy curves we arrive at our destination.
Warehouse Discount Grocery.
We drag our Quest weary selves through the aisles to our goal. MILK.
And there is is. Chilling in it's case. We triumphantly grab a jug and high five. ( well, we thought about it anyway)

And, strangely, even though we were great adventurers and will probably eventually become famous for our bravery, we still had to wait in line and pay, like commoners.

This story is getting a little ridiculous I think. 

The doors opened at our command and into the chilling wind we strode, smiling at the thought of warm biscuits and gallons of gravy.
that's the "i got milk" smile
We were greeted like King and Queen upon our arrival back at Castle McCormick by our humble servants (2 dogs and a cat). They had the day off apparently and so we whipped up some biscuits and gravy quick like.

The Great Captivity Feast occurred soon afterward and we cleaned our plates and licked our lips, triumphant Questers!!


Also, this is cute...
from day one of captivity. Nap time.
I mean, what else are you supposed to do when it snows?

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Super Dorky Things I Am In Love With Today

The 1966 version of Batman! So cheesy, so good. The Batmobile is pimp, the bomb Batman carries around has the longest fuse ever placed on a bomb, Robin is definitely against drinking ("I'd rather be dead than not be able to trust my own eyes!")
-Holy Hallucination!
-Ker-splash! & Zwapp!
-Holy Heartbreak!
-Holy Jumble!
Also, I love these...
and THIS! I would look really cute in this and I'm almost sure dinners would taste better if I wore this while cooking...
And my goodness my lips are chapped today!! But I think that my poor lips would be miraculously healed if I had this...
SIGH. Who wouldn't want this to keep all of their quilts and secret moneys in that you use to buy important things like clothing and cute boots that you don't want your hubby to know about!!

I mean.......Whaaat?

Aaaaaand...all this stuff...

And some Mexican a chicken enchilada with cheese sauce instead of red sauce and chips & salsa AND A MARGARITA!  with my favorite friend R.WADE.
Also, does anyone ever even know what they are paying for when you get your tickets at these Mexican places? Cause I don't! Les, MexX2, = $23.95


In case you were wondering Brian is now taking me out to Mexican tonight. But he doesn't know it yet. Poor guy....I'll text him for warning. But it is his fault really because he is in the woods with the creatures instead of here with me listening to all of these random thoughts and hunger cravings! So there!

And I also need one of these...for, well, rolling big things. Or whacking robbers on the head (while wearing my apron.)
And after all of this hard work of lusting after silly things that I don't need but can't help but want because, after all, they are so cute, I will take a refreshing drink of an expertly prepared margarita kept nice and chilly in one of these....

Ok, that's enough nonsense for one day! I'm sure more will reveal itself tomorrow! It is supposed to be a snowy weekend after all.

Friday, January 7, 2011

The Banana Bread That Came Too Late

I got up this morning.
Then I got back in bed
And as I watched the Today show, ate a swiss cake roll (WHAT?! yes, it's a breakfast food), and sipped my coffee I thought "I wish Brian was here to bring me the computer..." and then I thought "um, excuse me, Bonnie, what are you doing?!".

Do you know about our bird? At my parent's house there was this bird. A cardinal. He decided he loved our house and especially our windows. This little bird would fly himself into our windows from sun up to sun down.
all - day - looooooooooooong
He was a little annoying, but heck, poor guy! He didn't know what he was doing or why, he was just doing the same ole, same ole thing and it made you wonder....what are all the other cardinals doing? They are probably out being good daddies, looking stunning on tree branches, and pecking at yummy morsels of whatever it is cardinals love to eat the most.
But not our cardinal, his name should probably be Dougie, and you wonder why he was missing out on life? He was missing out on the grand life of the cardinal! And it makes your heart a little bit sad to know that it was our windows that distracted poor Dougie from his life. He saw himself in our windows and didn't like what he saw there, so he tried to fight himself, erase his unsatisfactory image, and in the end it just breaks your dang heart!!

A crash was heard throughout the Decker household one sad day, and outside we discovered him. Our little Dougie, crushed underneath (of all things) the bird feeder. The bird feeder!! It fell on him, and unexpectedly and out of nowhere, ended Dougie's little life.

And what had he done?

Exactly. What have I done? What has anyone done? Are we ever ready for our lives to end? Would it be better to know, do you think? Should we know when our lives are going to be over so we can be ready for it? I don't know. Are we just going through life, fighting ourselves and the things we can't change, while we are missing out on the meaning, the excitement, the LIFE for goodness sakes?!!!
from Pink of Perfection
 We are lucky that we have two neighbors out here on our little mountain. One is nice, one not. But isn't that how it always goes? Our nice neighbor is a little old man who once drove his lawn mower down the road and into our driveway and proceeded to mow all the way down one side. He brought me a baby pumpkin for fall and I knew then that he was my favorite neighbor. He talked to my hubby and as he left, he mowed down the other side of our driveway.
(I'm pretty sure he was telling my hubby to get out there and mow the yard for the love of a neat yard, neighbor!!)

He stopped by the house the other day on his way to town (to get his wife something to eat, she wasn't feeling well) while my sister and her boyfriend Matthew were here. Matthew is a pilot! GO SISTER! So he has these dorky electric airplanes and he brought them to fly around in our big field.
As greeting, my neighbor slowly rolled up the driveway and called out "I thought we was gettin' invaded!"

Too cute.
He told me about his wife, she wanted to come meet me soon!
And everyone wants their sweet elderly neighbors to love them the most. I was excited!
I thought, "I will bake these sweet neighbors some banana bread."
But last night his wife passed away. She had a heart attack.
And it really just hits you then....

What have I done?

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Everyone Needs One

There is something about waking up whenever you want to in the mornings. In our big king size bed I can pull the flannel sheet and quilt up under my chin and burrow my head down into five different pillows. Meeko manages to mold himself to some part of me, right behind my knees or, if I'm on my side, curved into my belly with his head under his arm. He doesn't want to get up either. It's these kinds of mornings when I can wake up, look at the clock, and think hey! I'm doing pretty good. I can lay my head back down, relieved that I haven't slept the day away, and snooze for a few more minutes.

When I do wake up and put on my fuzzy socks and a flannel shirt, I brush my teeth and Meeko and I head for the coffee pot. Romantic, old, black and white movies rule the t.v. today while I snack on everything that I own that isn't healthy and drink as much coffee as I please while Meeko makes sure to sit on my lap if I sit still for more than a minute. I think he is afraid that I will forget that that is his lap.

Now it's almost lunch time and I think Annie & Ninja and I will take a ride down the road. They can hang their heads out the windows and sniff the heater vents while I get myself some french fries and a milkshake.
In case anyone was wondering about my love for good french fries, well, it is unconditional.

Deciding to get married was the most important decision that we made and I highly recommend it to those who have a relationship as wonderful as mine and Brian's. But ours is the bestest. So don't get your hopes up if you've got your eye on the "Most Amazing Couple EVER" trophy. It ain't happenin.

But I've decided that being apart from each other has created some of the best days for me and for him. He can go take up post in the woods with cute little creatures and cold cold weather while I can be a lazy bum all day long and just relax. By myself. Being with someone all the time makes you not appreciate them when they are around I think. Shoot, it probably makes you just sick of em. When he comes home he is excited to see me and tell me about his day. I'm excited to see him and tell him about my day.

This is called marital bliss my friends. Marital Bliss.

So while I wait patiently on my manly man to re-appear from the woods, covered in camo, and wielding a big gun I will do what I love best and read my books and cuddle with Meeko and take my babies for long rides in the car.

Everyone needs a Sunday like this.